I wonder if it is easier to get your kids to go to bed if you live on a boat?  Captain rented the new Coen Brothers’ movie  True Grit  and since I have limited capacity after 9pm and my little princess has endless capacity to stay up at home, I am considering the lobby to move onto the boat.

Will keep you posted.  In the interim, I can always pray that she goes the way of the blog here –Naps Happen.

One hour until the 2010 Tsunami - can't be bothered - I am bushed!

Asleep outside on deck at Pokai Bay

Ready for school tomorrow! I won't be late and I am even wearing my new Spectra belt!

At Ola's after a big day.

Yesterday, Father’s Day, friends and I did the Kailua Masters Popo’ia Swim around Flat Island (Popo’ia).  This race is a fundraiser for Special Olympics and is a fun and challenging 1.6 mile course off Kailua Beach. You can find the 2011 Popo\’ia Race results here.

It was rough, visibility was poor and the current was strong. We trained in the pool, around the island in various conditions – rough weather, hypoxic drills and speed training.  Our goal was to have fun and finish. We were lucky, we all did.  The members of our group who trained by swimming around the island on various days finished strongest.

Here is the “healthy respect for the ocean” comment – many swimmers, surfers, sailors, fisherman and boaters develop a level of confidence or exhaustion that borders on reckless.  We know we can do this: we trained for it, studied the currents, weather, maps, provisioned well and we are going to do this!  Yes, I need more sleep, better nutrition, I should have trained harder but I am here and have to do this because I have planned and am mentally ready.  At last year’s race my Captain and brother in law saw what they considered to be 30% of the swimmers turning around and heading back to shore.  This year there were 129 finishers.  There were 146 entrants, to the best of my knowledge, there were several rescues and one death.

Do I think the race should be canceled? NO!  I do recognize the power of one: 1 wrong decision, 1 rogue wave, 1 lightening strike, 1 motivated person can change our lives forever.  Let me clarify that statement:  I deal in numbers all day long, according the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 2005 statistics say that 19,000 people a year die of complications from MRSA.  I would be overwhelmed reading their names, thus despite changing my career to decrease the number of MRSA deaths, I am somewhat sensitized to the 53 or 54 people that could die daily from this awful pathogen. The CDC also says ten people die daily from unintentional drowning.  Of these ten, two will be children 14 years old and younger.   Do you have kids under 14?

The  gentleman that drowned during the race was a 47 year old man named Dave Mackenzie.  My heart goes out to his family and friends.  You can not live on an island like this one and not love our beautiful ocean and the environment where we live.  I am sure Mr Mackenzie was probably a strong swimmer, other factors may have played a role in why he ran into trouble.   What is clear to me is that if 3,520 people die from drowning annually, we are eventually going to know someone.  As a child, our neighbor’s son fell in the pool and drowned.  One of our group of swimmers, who is also an ER doctor and former life guard, assisted a swimmer onto a board to be towed safely to shore.

I certainly don’t preach “living in fear” but as mother, I would rather err on the side of caution than bravado.  We probably need to practice a man overboard drill soon.  Yes, I will be the victim, anything to get in the water.  Have you practiced a man overboard drill lately?  Watch the posted trailer from from Morning Light to get a reminder of how quickly things happen.

Morning Light Clip: Simulating Man Overboard – Trailer Addict.

Do you know CPR?  Are you calm in a crisis?  What is a crisis – jelly fish, rogue wave, being hit by another boater, anchor dragging, flipping, getting checked out by a tiger shark or nudged by a bull shark?

What was interesting to me, as I struggled to get more news on the suspected drowning, was that later that afternoon, there were two more rescues in the same area (Father Saves Child and Nearly Drowns); and this morning the search for a 54 year old snorkeler lost off Kaanapali, Maui was suspended.  Black Rock, Kaanapali is where there Maui Channel Swim (Au Au Channel) finishes and has challenging currents.

Open water is exactly that – open, as humans we are visitors in the ocean.

Morning Light Clip: Simulating Man Overboard – Trailer Addict.

This past weekend we had an interesting incident. We sailed out to watch the Lipton Cup and then went to anchor off Waikiki to swim and have lunch. Sailing in at about 8 knots I spot a swimmer off shore about 250 yards off our starboard bow at 1 o’clock.  He was in a white swim cap and white rash guard. Captain sees him and I head off to get the main sail ready to drop and check the anchor and windlass. I was busy, not watching the water in front of us and all the sudden hear a yell from the captain. “OH GEEZ, SWIMMER!”  There he was 30 feet ahead at 12 o’clock.

Captain turns to port and the swimmer barely peeks his head up as we whoosh past him about 15 feet from HIS SCALP!!! Captain, calls out “I missed you” as we try and regain our composure.

Yes, it was our fault, HOWEVER, basic rules about open water swimming do apply here. DON’T SWIM ALONE and WEAR A BRIGHT COLORED CAP.  Note to swimmers, white is not bright colored when the ocean is covered with white caps. Pardon the silly pun.

Here are some other tips on open water swimming.

I have to pass on this post/article from Outside Online with this Surfer\’s Photo Gallery on the North Shore of Oahu and its iconic surf culture.  I am not a surfer and hardly understand the culture of it.  After years of living here, I often find the beat up cars and “smoked out” surfers during the season annoying as they crowd the two lane highway watching for breaks and shouting out “hey brah” to the full time surfers leaving the beaches.   Despite my annoyance, the love of the ocean unites me with these sandy, tanned, muscled up creatures called surfers.  I am not tan or muscled up and prefer to swim the North Shore in the summer when it is still and flat like a lake and one wrong move won’t land you on the short trip into the jagged reef or an ICU.

Ruby has a different take on this.  She went to kindergarten across from Ehukai, also know as the famous “Pipeline.”  To her – the location and the culture are magical.  Many of her friends have parents who are devoted surfers and introduce their children to the sport at an early age.  This is something I both admire and question.  The ocean is so awesome,  anyway that we as humans can interact with it is wonderful and teaches us to both understand and take stewardship of it – which is desperately needed these days. 

So I have been longing to write a post on “fear” since late July or mid August when my captain and husband took a group of swimmers, a few crew members and me 3 miles off shore and said “you want to swim the channel, get in.”  No warm up, no mental prep just the clear fact that you have to start somewhere.  I looked at our strongest swimmer – mentally and physically – and we both shared a quick glance of panic.  “No warm up?” 1476 feet of water?  We could have easily made the swim to shore and we did swim to the anchor point, but it was the unknown that got to us. Before hopping in, we put our goggles under our caps to keep from losing them.  I commented to Jane, our mental and physical “ringer,” that one of our other relay swimmers always touches the water and gives herself the sign of the cross before getting in – she gave me the “Be Here NOW” look – so I threw out a quick “Namaste,” jumped into the rolling waves – mouth still yapping  – a nervous, constant state for me.  “More swimming less talking” was a phrase heard often from the Captain over the next two months.

Three of us got in together – for “the warm up.”   I, having the least skill and experience, wore short swimmers fins.  In my mind, there was no way I could maintain pace with a Nationals swimmer who wins all the open water races in her class, or for that matter – attempt maintain pace with the first woman to swim around Mercer Island, Kelly, who was also currently cleaning up at the North Shore swim series and teaching swimming.  The water after the initial – “what the hell am I doing?” moment – was beautiful and relaxing.   Not that I was relaxed, but eventually we all break down. The deep blue, literally, devoid of anything except an occasional moon jelly, the sound of the engine humming and the large rolling swells and occasional white caps, more unpredictable than the off shore races, brought on a strange sense of peace. We did single 30 minute swims to simulate the relay of the channel swim. A few funny moments – a backstroke that ended up in a circle, a lousy sight at land and a frustrated captain who finally headed for the “byte” and sent the dinghy for the swim instructor and I who were casually checking out what swimming alone was like beyond the tourist cruises and other boats off shore before heading back to Air Bender.

I can only give my perspective and my lesson – my own fear was based in what I couldn’t and can’t control.  Was it the ocean I was afraid of or failure, perhaps even success?  Probably all three – but subconsciously – I was also afraid of what would happen once I started – the change.  You can’t commit to some act or activity like swimming a channel and not be changed by it.  It wasn’t the distance – everyone on our team can swim the distance easily.  It was the mental, physical and actual spirit of saying “I am making a commitment to this” that changes you.

Would I have done this?  Yes, maybe, but doubtful without a little encouragement.  I was pushed by something greater to achieve this.  I read about the Maui Channel Swim in a Hawaiian Airlines magazine, as did my friend Joanie.  Joanie, read about the swim while waiting for her mother to “finish” a colon resection surgery.  She wanted to do the swim for her mom.  Sure, sounds like a great way to get back in shape, and by then we will have a boat, I thought.  Reed, my husband and captain – says yes to my hair-brained scheme.  Well, my easy going attitude and the Captain’s concern began to address the logistics of practicing every weekend and several weekdays, finding six swimmers who can complete the open water race, join us for practice and find a crew who can manage the boat for several days, keep us safe for the crossings and the race.

Fear played a role during the planning and practice but focus was more important.  I remember looking up one day when all I could see at the top of wind chopped 9 foot swells was an inter-island barge and a tug,  and on the other side – the aft end of Air Bender with a spotter and the “timer” keeping tabs on my progress.  At night the captain would express concern that he couldn’t maintain any pace with the swimmers without potentially burning out the engines.  In high winds, the boat would be blown away or towards the swimmers presenting an interesting danger. The call “swimmer at the step” rang in my ears for weeks.  Talk of sharks, shiny jewelry, nutrition, sunscreen, stroke technique, strategy and intervals consumed the time that wasn’t filled with work.

The team and crew became our closest friends.  My six year old wrote a journal entry about “mom’s girls, who come and play on the boat.”  Play?  In many ways it was play – rather practice for the hard stuff.  We had a magical day where we swam up the leeward coast.  Ruby, our six year old, felt sea sick and as we always said “the best cure for sea sickness is to get in the water….” she asked to get in as we were in the relay mode of 10 minute intervals.  With a life jacket, a line and a buoy, Ruby jumped into the deep blue and held on as I swam beside her.  Brave six year old.   We finally reached our anchor spot at electric beach with a huge pod of spinner dolphins waiting to greet us.  As we were swimming back to the boat, I even spotted a Manta Ray.  Something I had only seen at night or in murky water.  It was fabulous.

It does need to be noted that as the captain pushed us to excel, I complained and whined that he was over doing it.  The interested Galapagos and white tip sharks that tailed us were eye opening but not fearful for  me as I was the one swimmer who never spotted one.  The Au Au channel is flat, lovely and clear – we don’t have anything to worry about, I convinced myself.  Just watch the you tube videos from Quinn Carver’s calm channel crossing.

We needed everything the captain pushed us into and more… The day of the race, there were 35-38 knot winds, jelly fish stinging and tiger sharks checking out swimmers.  The crew and team were amazing, tired and a bit tortured, I might add.  No one was getting enough sleep, everybody ached somewhere and we all just got through it.  At the end of the day, the lesson that keeps repeating through my head and still does is “minimum effort, maximum glide” or as Jane, our ringer says, “just cruise.”  Perhaps the lesson is in not over thinking what we can’t control – don’t fight life – it will always get you in the end.  Just get in and do your best, use good technique, practice patience and absorb the experience.

I don’t think fear ever leaves us completely, but how we respond to it determines our success and failure in certain if not all situations.  I think a fear of being sick, alone, a failure or even dying can be disabling and yet I see people who are severely inhibited by health situations and life, laughing and smiling at things many of us don’t or can’t recognize.  I am reminded of The Little Prince and the line “You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”   I certainly haven’t tamed a fear or the ocean which is still quite humbling, but I have now found that stupid fears like “I can’t keep up,” are a waste of time.  These fears now fall into the “Not my job” category.

My lesson, that I keep applying is accept change, be strong and cruise.  I wish this for many, including Joanie and her mom as their journey continues. 

I think the race was an adventure for all of us.  The Captain swears he will never do it again.  And then I see something like Jennifer Figge’s Pacific swim  and start discussing it,  not my thing, but love the story.  Check out the post in Outside or her webpage. We will be waiting with a Mai Tai when she reaches Hawaii.  And frankly, being a socialite seems much more terrifying than swimming the Pacific.

Eventually I will get to a post on “fear” but for now I will pass on a video that Captain Ron forwarded us this morning.  The following video speaks for itself.

I also liked this one which was a little more local for Air Bender as we pass Point Panic going in and out of our harbor at Kewalo Basin.

If you are a regular reader, you may have gathered the Captain and my feelings on CHILDREN circumnavigating solo.  And by the way, it wasn’t Abby Sunderland’s failed attempt that brought us to this conclusion; Captain has raised three wonderful children and we are raising number four together.

This past weekend I flipped through the 400th issue of Latitude 38 and found an interesting letter.  I won’t paste the letter, rather I will sum it up.  A recreational sailor from Chesapeake Bay recently had the opportunity to meet and have a private dinner with Jessica Watson, “the youngest sailor to complete a single-handed non-stop circumnavigation via the Southern Ocean.”  The writer of the missive spoke of how humble and (folksy) the young woman is despite her book and documentary deals, television appearances and roles in advertising sailing as ambassador to sailing clubs and associations.

Latitude 38 Letters provided such a clear and eloquent response that I will post it:  

Not to detract from Watson’s admittedly outstanding achievement, but as we’ve stated before, we, along with all other sailing authorities, are against the concept of age-based sailing records. We feel even more strongly about it now that it’s been demonstrated that there can be a such a large payday at the end — even for those who fail. Indeed, one of the most macabre aspects of the whole business is that the parents of the first youth who dies, particularly if in an agonizing way, will probably profit the most. So good on Jess, but to hell with the concept of age-based sailing records.

I would certainly not consider myself a sailing or parenting authority, but I do know that the ocean, the wind and global travel can be humbling to those of all ages.  Parenting, by the way, can be equally humbling as well.

 

Apologies on the late coverage of this but I have been a little busy, swimming channels, working and trying to be a wife and mother.  So here it is – as covered in the Huffington Post: Laura Dekker, Dutch Teen, Sets Sail In Secrecy On Solo Trip Around The World

Let me present you with some highlights:

PORTIMAO, Portugal — A 14-year-old Dutch sailor departed in secrecy from Gibraltar Saturday on her quest to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world – avoiding the media because, her manager said, she didn’t want the attention.

Why, at 14, does she have a manager?  He is not a coach, instructor or mentor – but a manager.  A man named Peter Klarenbeek, who stated her trip will take more than a year.

“She said goodbye to her father and friends and she sailed away into the horizon,” said Holland’s MasMedia company, which has exclusive TV rights to film her voyage.

She doesn’t want the attention, yet she has a manager and has already sold the TV rights to “film her voyage.”

Laura had been scheduled to depart from Portimao, in southwestern Portugal, where she arrived from Holland last week before embarking on final sea trials. But Marijke Schaaphok, MasMedia’s director, said the girl ended up leaving from Gibraltar because Portugal only issues permits for sailing ocean vessels to people 18 or older.

This regulation does not apply on British territory, Schaaphok said. Laura also “did not want to speak to the media” gathered in Portimao, Klarenbeek said.

I knew I loved Portugal for a reason. No Comment on Gibraltar except that the Barbary Macaques are more aggressive than the press as I remember.

A Dutch court released Laura last month from the guardianship of Dutch child protection agencies, who had tried to block her voyage because of fears for her safety and psychological health.

Hmm, I thought all this time she was living on a boat and preparing for her voyage?  Instead she was being “managed” by Dutch CPS? Sounds like the echo of a “Whatever…”  from the Dutch authorities after a media lawyer got to them.

In the end, the Dutch court ruled that her preparations were adequate and it was up to her parents, who are divorced, to decide whether to let her make the attempt.

I wish they would interview the mother… so far I have only heard about the dad.

And my favorite part – the closing: If Laura completes the voyage, any record she claims would be unofficial and likely to be challenged. The Guinness’ World Records and the World Sailing Speed Record Council have decided they will no longer recognize records for “youngest” sailors to avoid encouraging dangerous attempts.

And now to our next quest for attention, Reid Stowe and his 1152 days at sea for a voyage of love. The Huffington Post also covered this gem….. Reid Stowe Speaks About His 1,152-Day Odyssey At Sea Who was he loving other than himself?  Honestly, his girlfriend gave birth without him and he didn’t even meet his child for almost two years! Where I ask you is the love for anyone but himself?

I just have to put this in:  Upon his return he told reporters that he had just had “a new human experience. No one understands what I went though physically and mentally. My words may sound bold but nothing can match the majesty of the sea.” What a keen observation of the obvious, no?  I am humbled by the ocean by both watching and swimming in it.  I wonder if researchers like  Sylvia Earle aka “her deepness” can give some insights into what he went through physically and mentally?  Because after all he accomplished so much on his journey, “the Love Voyage,” where he collected, Um, NO DATA, other than his journal.

I saw a bumper sticker this morning that said something to the tune of: “Before you attempt something, first consider: Is this worthwhile? Are your actions truthful? Will it benefit others?” Because I wasn’t wearing my glasses (and was DRIVING), I couldn’t read what the whole message was about or who provided it, my take away points were:

1. Is this potential action something that is worth my time/energy?
2. Am I doing this for the right reasons?
3. Is there a greater good involved?
4. Who and/or what will benefit?

Worthwhile and benefiting others…. I don’t need to know if a 14-year-old is mature enough to circumnavigate, in times of war 12-year-old children took up arms to protect their families.  I also feel like “The Mars Ocean Odyssey” or Stowe’s “Love Voyage”  are schemes developed after one has consumed too many lentils alone at sea.  To me these people are getting sponsorship to take risks, but for what other than their own self-aggrandizement.  I don’t blame the 14 year old for this because she is 14.  We are supposed to be self involved at 14.

Viktor Frankl’s book  Man\’s Search for Meaning is a sort of memoir and study of his own experiences in a concentration camp and how one finds the will to survive when even the worst circumstances are forced upon us.

From Wikipedia:  Frankl identifies three psychological reactions experienced by all inmates to one degree or another: (1) shock during the initial admission phase to the camp, (2) apathy after becoming accustomed to camp existence, in which the inmate values only that which helps himself and his friends survive, and (3) reactions of depersonalization, moral deformity, bitterness, and disillusionment if he survives and is liberated.

Frankl concludes that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living; life never ceases to have meaning, even in suffering and death. In a group therapy session during a mass fast inflicted on the camp’s inmates trying to protect an anonymous fellow inmate from fatal retribution by authorities, Frankl offered the thought that for everyone in a dire condition there is someone looking down, a friend, family member, or even God, who would expect not to be disappointed. Frankl concludes from his experience that a prisoner’s psychological reactions are not solely the result of the conditions of his life, but also from the freedom of choice he always has even in severe suffering. The inner hold a prisoner has on his spiritual self relies on having a faith in the future, and that once a prisoner loses that faith, he is doomed.

Frankl passed away in 1997, I would have liked to have met him.  I would also be interested in what he thought about people who inflict things like 1152 days at sea on themselves for nothing other than to do it, some press coverage and free cheese?

Many of us get a little seasick every now and again but if you love the water, you learn to use whatever is available to manage the experience.  This past weekend on the water we tried out our new gennaker sock in calm winds and rolling seas.  Running around dealing with basic boat duties, I was suddenly clammy and nauseous.  I slipped a Zentrip on my tongue, grabbed the “margarita bucket,” a paper towel and moved out to watch the horizon.

The Captain then called out to me to do something. With a brave face and a skip (tumble?) to the front of the boat, I listened and obeyed: grabbed the sheet, put in the blocks, executed tasks and focused.  Somehow I got through my difficult moments and moved on to enjoy the group process of hoisting and jibing the gennaker a few times. The water still had some funky rolls and I reviewed my clinical status:

• Did I have a second glass of wine last night?  Um, yep
• Am I over-tired? Always
• Healthy breakfast?  Yes

After a while, I was relaxed in the cockpit and my 6-year-old was a little flushed and clammy.  Instinctively, she knows to lie down on deck and go to sleep.  Ah, the luxury of being 6, right?  I gave her a ginger ale – soda cures everything except diabetes and obesity.

As I got ready to prepare lunch, I turned on the Genset generator.  As I primed the pump, the rank smell of diesel filled the air in the cockpit.  Ruby started to cry about the smell and how she was going to be sick.  I grabbed the “margarita bucket,” paper towel and led her to the bow of the boat where fresh air is always abundant and she wouldn’t have to be sick in front of the rest of the crew.

As she was throwing up and I was gently stroking her forehead she said to me “Mom, sometimes you just have to let things go.”  As my Captain says, there is a lot of wisdom in that little heart of hers.  Applying that lesson will really help me in life – honestly, “should have, would have, could have is what keeps every therapist in business.”   By dwelling in our past, we are left at a standstill.  By not focusing on the now, we can not accurately predict or implement our next move.  You don’t trim a sail in the past or the future you do it when it luffs until the luff is just breaking so the wind is too far aft to flow around the sail.  As a trimmer you watch for the moment, in life I often get caught in the “If I had only..” scenario.  Ruby taught me a little lesson about life via ginger ale and a recycled plastic margarita bucket: don’t look back – it is a waste of time.

Later, Ruby said “I wish this day never happened.” In an effort to ease the situation, I said “You know you love the boat and the ocean, this is only one time, tomorrow will be better.”  The last part being a lesson I learned from a fabulous children’s book:  Lily\’s Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes.  She looked out across the water and as she spoke demonstrated two hula style hand motions, “Mrs Tabori says we need to go with the flow and let things roll off our backs.”  Important lessons on many levels from a first grade teacher and a brave 6-year-old in the middle of the Pacific.

Interesting that sailing terms include: about, adrift, aloft, ease, anchor, batten, cast off, trim, watch and reach, all of these terms have multiple meanings that can be applied in life as well.  I wonder if William Glasser, MD, the founder of reality therapy was a sailor?  According to Wikipedia: Reality therapy is more than a counseling technique. Reality therapy is a problem solving method that works well with people who are experiencing problems they want help solving, as well as those who are having problems and appear to not want any assistance. Reality therapy also provides an excellent model for helping individuals solve their own problems objectively and serves as the ideal questioning series during coaching sessions. I follow the Sheldon school of thought from Big Bang Theory in that “the social sciences are generally hokum,” and feel I should follow the lessons of my 6-year-old and her instructors henceforth.