Posted by: First Mate | May 7, 2014

Long Days and Short Years

Last Saturday night the Captain said to me “Do you realize we have passed the halfway mark?  Ruby is 10, we have 8 years left with her.”  What?  A friend once told me that when raising children, especially toddlers, the days are long but the years are short.  With that in mind, I have decided to throw out all inane parenting advice.

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I have been told that children need roots, they do better with stability.  What defines stability and roots?  Honestly, I think no one knows your child as you do.  There is no single way to raise a healthy adult.  A few weeks ago another parent asked me if I had I read any books on parenting gifted children.  Um, no I’m too busy reading about bacteria, vaccines and finishing page turning young adult novels.  “When you read the books you will understand your child better.” So I diligently went home and looked up a bunch of books I will NEVER read.  The process actually brought back anxiety from those awful books on how to get your child to sleep, how to put them on a breast feeding schedule (!$?&* ridiculous) and how to potty train in a week. I realized – I understand my child and have confidence in her abilities. I think the reality of my life with my daughter is just let her be a child, she likes playing piano – great she can have piano lessons.  But that doesn’t mean she needs piano camp, piano key shaped sandwiches and piano clothing.  She will find her own interests. I don’t need to dictate everything for her or make her try everything. I also feel that if I am happy and have diverse interests, she will see that as normal, if I am narrow minded and myopic about life and people – she will find that acceptable as well. If I am anxious, stressed, overbearing thus wouldn’t anxiety be a natural result?

So now to the cursing issue I have developed. I am working to set a better example for my daughter because words have meaning.  Yet for some strange reason cursing seems to act as an anti-depressant/anxiety remedy in certain situations at this point in my life.  Plus – I feel that the world would be a better place if we were just honest – with or without the dirty words.  Even for 10 minutes a day.  Here are some examples of truisms I wanted to say but have refrained in the past few months –

  1. Sounds like and amazing product and it is definitely a multi-level marketing scheme that I want no part of…
  2. Life without humor blows.  I know you are taking this very seriously, I am uncomfortable which makes me want to giggle.  (Best used in hospital ICUs.)
  3. He seems like a nice guy except for the married part – it’s not him, it’s you not putting yourself first – thus he NEVER will.
  4. If he is really that awful, why did you stay with him for so long?
  5. It’s boring when you complain incessantly, you sound like a spoiled child. Make the choice to be happy and give your own life meaning for a change.
  6. Don’t take whatever people say or do personally – ever because it is rarely about you.
  7. Buy organic – not because it is cool – because we need to curb the overuse of antibiotics in industrial farming.
  8. When you name drop, criticize people relentlessly and spend/consume ridiculously you look and sound insecure and I feel uncomfortable around you – is that what you intended?
  9. And Alcohol, drugs, shopping, more work, etc don’t solve problems they just let them simmer until they boil.
  10. You look beautiful/handsome but you don’t need so much…. perfection, stuff, alterations – because pretty is what pretty does.
  11. Learn as much as possible always, then consider the options.
  12. Slow down, not because we live on an island but because life is too awesome even with all the ugliness to miss one special moment.

 

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