Posted by: First Mate | April 9, 2014

Houdini Has Done It Again

Today I started over, a clean mouth, no cursing, eight hours of sleep, a healthy breakfast, everyone to school early, spinning class, work, teacher conference ….. and then the little bastard did it again.

This is a first world problem.  We gave our daughter 4 rabbits because one of our two goats was eating the house (literally pieces of the house),  my entire garden; while the other, the original feral goat, was harassing the neighbors anxious dog, who is already on Xanax (?) because – wait? why am I asking that?  We moved the goats to a farm that we can visit daily or every weekend. We know they are happy and calm and won’t be eating anyone’s retirement.  One rabbit died within a week: Sage. Sage

But we have three others: Blanca, Houdini and Blizzard.  Ruby and I have read all about how to take care of rabbits: fresh food, pellets, litter box, let them explore their environment.  Houdini is named because she is the fastest runner and always disappears into the 4.5 acres of JUNGLE behind our house.  And for a 2 lb white rabbit in 4.5 acres filled with vines and feral cats it’s a mini Hunger Games.

Today I was tired, wanted a nap or meditation? What is that? I knew we needed to feed the rabbits and start dinner if anyone was to get to bed before 9.  I fed the rabbits and went inside to start dinner.  After a bit, in comes a screaming Ruby:  “There is a rat! a RAT in their cage!” Okay, we live in a jungle with lots of fruit trees, we get lots of rats. A few years ago, Ruby had a play-date – a new friend who also loved chickens.  They were in the coop and guess what – there was a rat in the coop.

I grew up in Arizona, at 8 years old I went to Pioneer Girl camp where we were given a bible, a .22 rifle and a tree house to sleep in… I married a man who lived in Alaska and was a defense contractor who developed weapons.  We support background checks and sound laws for gun control but we are comfortable with the guns we keep locked up at our house.  During the chicken coop incident, the Captain handed me a .22 and said “you handle it, I’m not going in there – the door is too low and narrow.”  I shot the rat – picked it up and walked toward the trash with the .22 under one arm and a giant dead rat hanging by its tail from my right hand… just as I was crossing the driveway, the lovely mother of this little girl pulled up in her minivan. “Um, Hi. Girls had a great time..”  Meanwhile, I’m thinking -‘Ruby, hope you had an awesome time because this friend is never. coming. over. again…’ while the music from Deliverance played in my head.

Back to today, the Captain says he’ll deal with the rat. Ruby and I are panicked as the doors to the cage open, surprise: no rat! We use nylon ties to cover the gaps in the cage and decide to let the rabbits out to ‘explore their environment.’ Meanwhile Reed has a meltdown because of the mosquitos in the yard…21 degrees North of the equator, who knew there would be mosquitos or thrips with what 10 inches of rain last weekend?

Houdini lasts approximately 2 minutes before flying into the bush.  Nooo. (Insert horrific cuss words here.) I was wearing shirt, skirt and flip flops (or slippahs in our language). Blizzard and Blanca jump around as the three of us try and catch Houdini, no luck, then Blanca takes off into a patch of saw grass…. I get her and as I am leaning over a streak of curses flies out of my mouth as Blanca jumps around I fall into a pit of jungle. More prison-worthy language flies out of my mouth. No comment from Ruby today.

Eventually, Houdini comes back and sits beneath the cage taunting us as we try and catch her.

Houdini2 Houdini shoulder



  1. She needs to be stew when you move:*)

  2. I’m so glad you are blogging again! I’m a huge fan! Reading every word, it’s wonderful, fun, insightful, and charming all at once!
    Keep it up!

    • I’m changing my life. I reached a dead end with consulting and said after lots of wine, pilates and cookies – wait, I hate what I’m doing – this is a miserable dead end. I am terrified and happy at the same time. We will see what happens. XOXO

  3. Your writing is such that I feel that I am right there with you….and if I was, I would be both horrified and tinkling in my pants a bit while laughing. I swear, you should go on the road with these stories.
    No more wildlife! Unless it’s a yummy pig in your smoker…then, I’ll be right over.

    • Oh, I’ll get there with that one. If I go on the road, I’m taking you.

  4. keep the blog going….love it!

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